Don’t Look Back In Anger

Psalm 18:4-6 (NIV)

‘The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.’

A week after I handed in my final university assignment in May 2020, I had my first shift as an online shopping assistant at Sainsbury’s. This meant that between 2 am and 10 am, five days a week I packed the public’s online shopping orders and spent most of the rest of my day sleeping. Honestly, it wasn’t what I’d envisioned my first graduate job to be but I needed to save up in order to move back to Birmingham and I wanted to try and do something purposeful during the first national lockdown.

With time, however, the disruption to my sleeping pattern partnered with the uncertainty that moving into a global pandemic had brought, triggered significant feelings of anxiety, isolation and insecurity that felt overwhelming and painful. By the grace of God, those feelings don’t have as tight a grip on my everyday life as they did six months ago but still, until very recently, I avoided looking back on that season of night shifts, disrupted sleep and spiritual searching because I’d convinced myself that there are some things in the past one shouldn’t dwell upon.

That is, until I re-read these verses in Psalm 18, where David recalls his previous struggles in order to illustrate the ways in which God hears the cries of his children and works within our pain. In response, I took some time to reflect on my own seasons of difficulty and to my surprise I found that I could see the miraculous faithfulness of God woven throughout what I’d written off as a mere sad memory. As I looked back, I didn’t feel anger or anxiety, shame or regret. I only saw how far I’d come and how God had never left.

Reflection – Take some time to reflect today on how far you’ve come. Look back on the last year and ask God to show you how he has been working in your life and how faithful he has been.

(And perhaps hold all the night shift workers, delivery drivers, supermarket assistants and key workers in your prayers today.)