Despite Everything, You Are Called
Esther 4:15-16 (MSG) —
‘Esther sent back her answer to Mordecai: “Go and get all the Jews living in Susa together. Fast for me. Don’t eat or drink for three days, either day or night. I and my maids will fast with you. If you will do this, I’ll go to the king, even though it’s forbidden. If I die, I die.’
I am a massive perfectionist. Honestly I always have been. In fact, when I was in school, I would get into trouble for having wafer thin exercise books from all the pages I would rip out every time something went wrong. Even now, I love the feeling of starting new things but before long I find myself frustrated by my own imperfection, either stuck in dissatisfaction or ready to give up completely, unable to produce anything I deem ‘good enough’.
See, Perfectionism isn’t necessarily a bad thing all the time. In fact, challenging yourself, setting high standards and learning from your failures are pretty healthy and helpful traits to have. But other times it can get out of control and, instead of sitting in the background, it becomes completely debilitating. We count ourselves out, beat ourselves up, bury our heads and ultimately hold ourselves back from the things we’re called too.
What I love about the story of Esther is that she is someone who by almost every standard seems pretty lost and pretty broken. The author of the book of Esther makes no attempt to hide that despite her Jewish background, Esther has got herself wrapped up in a whole palace-ful of moral misconduct, gaining the very influence God goes on to use, through drinking, sex and murder. And yet, she is undeniably called by God to be a part of this great rescue of the Jewish people. She is seen by God exactly as she is and given a significant purpose and plan for her life, dependent not on her perfection, but on her obedience to the Father in that moment.
Of course, our moral lives are important, and undoubtedly Esther was aware of ways in which she hadn’t always been obedient in the past. But faced with this question, ‘Esther, will you follow me now?’ she chooses to say yes; to step in to her calling despite the broken and messy place she had found herself in. Because even in that place, God still had great plans for her.
Maybe you find yourself a bit like Esther, so aware of your own shortcomings and past failures that you worry you have fallen away from God’s purpose for you. But perhaps despite everything, God who is bigger than all that has called you anyway, to stop letting a fear of imperfection count you out and step into obedience.
Prayer: Loving Father, Thank you that you know me completely, and – still – you write me into your plans. Today, help me to follow Esther’s lead and listen less to myself, and more to you - to trust in your goodness and be obedient to your will. Amen.
Hazel Lynch