This Will Pass

Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV)

 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

 He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Back in October 2019 my grandfather passed away and it was the hardest year of my life. The grieving process hit me extremely hard and most days of the following months I would sit in my house and cry. I was depressed and angry well beyond any place I had been before. At times it even felt good to be angry. (By the way, that is the complete opposite of how I am normally.)

For the first time, I had stared mortality straight in the face. Pure, raw mortality. And it hit hard. In those moments throughout the end of 2019 and into 2020, I thought the feelings would never go, my grief would last forever. It finally came to the point where I had to get help. I was beginning to hurt those I loved and was headed down a dark path. I started to share with others. I began to be real and vulnerable with God. I went to therapy, and I realised that it was ok not to be ok.

Looking back over the past couple of years of recovery and many ups and downs on the slippery slopes of grief, I can say that the worst of it does pass. You may mourn for a long time and in some ways the rest of your life. However, those negative feelings that bubble up from the things that trigger you will eventually turn positive. 

God used so many people in my life during that time to help me through. I will never be the same and the grief has changed me, but God is using this for the better. He’s using it to make me into who he needs me to be: to reach people I could never relate to before. Like the psalm says above, God hears our cries. God hears your cries.

Prayer — God, help me. I can’t do this without you. Step with me in (insert your situation here). I pray that you will put a new song in my mouth and that the heaviness of my situation and circumstances turn to joy and celebration of what you have done/will do.