Acts 12:1–17
Be still: God speak to me through your Word today. Amen.
Read: Acts 12:1–17
Then Peter came to himself and said, 'Now I know without a doubt that the Lord has sent his angel and rescued me from Herod’s clutches and from everything the Jewish people were hoping would happen.' (v11)
Encounter: After reading this passage, I felt uncomfortable. God let Herod kill James, one of the disciples (v2), but he sent an angel to save Peter’s life so miraculously. God could have teleported James to safety or intervened in some other way. From Peter’s story we can see it was well within God’s abilities; but he didn’t.
Understanding why God saved one disciple and not the other is a mystery to me. One can try and dig for an answer, but I don’t think having an answer necessarily makes losses easier. Answers are at best a temporary numbing cream for grief and, at worst, don’t work at all.
In my experience, grief has the bitter taste of many ‘whys?’ I wonder if John, James’ brother, was well-acquainted with those bitter-tasting whys. I can imagine he experienced it when he heard about the miracle of Peter's rescue, and on and off for the next approximately 50 years in which he lived as a follower of Jesus, without his brother.
I think our whys to God are healthy – they are our brains’ attempt to engage with what’s happening around us or to us. We haven’t switched off and escaped elsewhere, we’re naming the pain and the natural follow up is sometimes — why? In the past I’ve been scared of the why because of what emotion might come with it, how angry I might get at God. But someone once told me maybe tantrums are okay as long as I kick and scream in God’s lap.
Apply: Are there events that have happened to or around you that don’t make sense? If so you’re in good company and can still follow Jesus whilst asking why, even in the middle of heartbreak or loss. Perhaps write down your honest thoughts and feelings around those events as a prayer to God.
Devote: God, we bring to you the things in our lives that don’t make sense and the pain that comes with that confusion. Thank you that 'blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.'